Lately I’ve been worrying, well lately is an understatement, I am constantly worrying about everything. But overall I don’t want to look back on my life in 10 years and have regret after regret. I need to go for what I want, I need to be my own person, I need to make my own decisions. What I should not constantly be dependent on what someone else might think or if I’ll hurt someone or if someone will look down on me. I need to move forward in life and live a life that I appreciate and I want to be proud of myself. I mean I am already proud that I’m almost done university, that I havent slept with a bunch of guys, that I have a close relationship with my family, that I’ve managed to maintain some good friendships and while I have lost some I have finally started to accept that things happen and maybe its for the best and if it’s not well maybe someday down the road things will be better. Who knows maybe in a year or two years or even 10 years things will be different. I have also learnt that change likely and even though it scares me to death its not the end of the world. Change can be good. I want to be positive, I want to be someone that I want to be and not a disappointment. Most importantly I want to like me and right now I don’t, I don’t like my confidence, I don’t like my shyness (actually someone called me awkard last night and I apologized.. why would I apologize?), I don’t like my body, and I don’t like how I treat people. I’ve feel like I’ve let myself down in so many ways. I never imagined that it would be like this, I have changed a lot in the past 5 years and not for the best at all. I won’t get into details but I have made some decisions that don’t reflect who I wanted to be when I was older. Overall my body is a big problem for me, while I do carry myself well and I have confidence at times, I still worry alot. I want to look how I want to look, I mean seriously even if I just lost 10 pounds I would feel better. More accomplished, more me. So that’s the goal. Be me. I want to feel better about me. I think whats important is that I dont want to loose weight so that someone else might think oh she looks better, I wanna lose it for me. Not anyone else.
Seasons change and so do we.
Limits only exist if you let them.
